I'll let you borrow some parents.

i have this thing of always making myself feel like shit. I find it necessary at times to try and keep myself grounded. It is usually just a random thought, that turns into overthinking of course, that in turn, changes the way i currently feel. At times, it does me good. At others, it just frustrates me more than I already am. My current issue that is really bothering, to the point that it prompted me to write about it, is my parents. And I am not saying what they do to me that is bad, or to others, or each other. But more like the thought that I will NEVER, and I mean NEVER, be able to repay them for all they have done for me. And still till this day, will do for me. i do not think we stop enough times to actually just sit there and realize how much our parents have done for us. Well those of us lucky enough to have them. But if you are lucky like I am, then you might be able to relate to this. I know my parents would do anything, literally ANYTHING for my brother and I. If they had to give their life for us, they would. Think about that for a second. Their life. Their existence. Their being. Their life. Thats just a sense of how much love they have. Love that I am sure, most of us don't reciprocate it. I am guilty of this. And it is a shitty feeling. Now, I am sure each of us and our parents have our own struggles. We are all different yet the same. In the sense that we are all human beings, but have different religions, country of origin, languages, so on and so forth. For me personally, my family came from Mexico. I am part of the first US born generation in our family, like I am sure most of you are as well. (share the same background as me) We take simple things for granted. Communicating in English for example. It has become our first language, even if most of our parents don't know much about it. Do you ever think of traveling to another country? How much fun it would be? The problem would be, if the native language from that country isn't English. And you know very little of their language. Imagine how difficult it would be to communicate even simple thoughts to other people. Now imagine going through that every single day. Yet, our parents are still here. Working their ass off. Some might be making okay money. To be classified as "well off". Some other might be at a shitty ass job that they do not enjoy. Yet, our parents are still here. All because of that love they have for us. Because we are their "why". Why do you go to work to a shitty job you do not like? Why do you go to a job that wasn't your "dream job". Because of us. Yet we can not even be nice to them every single time we see each other? I know I take my parents for granted. And as I get older, the number of friends or acquaintances who have lost a parent(s), is slowly rising. And that is some scary ass shit. Since I was younger, my parents have always been around. Everyday. And I went through that phase where are your parents do is "bug". Asking questions about what you do, where you do it, who you do it with. Sometimes, it's just to literally know about your life, to feel a little more connected. But of course, we brush it off as them trying to be nosy and intrude in our lives. I'm not going to lie, it is difficult sometimes for any child, to connect or find something that both of you can still do. Remember, your parents are not as young as they use to be. We got a lot older, and so have they. This is when they need us the most. Even if it's literally just a "how was your day?" You never know what mood they might have been before, that you just happen to brighten up their day. Of course, there will be your bad days with them. That is normal. But just work on your disagreements and find the best solution for both parties. You are not meant to be with your parents for ever. But do take advantage of the time we have left. Because we never know when our parents will stop being here. And the parents that the universe let us borrow, are being taken back. I hope to be a better brother, a better worker, a better son, and above all, a better person for everyone. Life Life Happy. Peace and One Love.