the funny stuff i find

I always find the funniest stuff online. Example.

-Escaping Your Past

Your past is a haunted place full of people, experiences, and secret government tests you’d rather forget. Follow these steps to clear your mind and your record:
• Cut ties with your family, friends, and anyone who has a copy of your dental records.
• Fake your own death using whichever method your father taught you when you were a kid.
• Secretly attend your own funeral. Write something self-deprecating in the memorial book so that no one suspects that you’re still alive and attending your own funeral.
• Change your name to be the same as your favorite celebrity. The fun of having a celebrity name will take your mind off of the all the crying you did when you found out you were dead.
• Help yourself forget about all that stuff by filling your brain with the names of as many different horse breeds and horse facts as you can remember.
• Congratulations! You’re ready to restart your life as “Freddie Prinze Jr., Celebrity Horse Trainer”.